When Pastors are 95% Honest

Let’s discuss a sneaky sin that has a habit of entrapping a lot of pastors. But before we start, I want us to make a deal that you are going to CHOOSE to not be offended by what we discuss.

Instead, I want to urge you to stand in the light and let the Spirit of God search your heart and mind and reveal to you whatever He wants to teach you from today’s Bible teaching.

Deal?

I start off with that agreement because we are going to talk about how LYING can impact our ministry as pastors. I recently read an article by a pastor and author named Carey Neiuwhof about the 7 lies most pastors tell. I have to admit it was a bit convicting because I have caught myself telling some of those same lies. I’m not going to go through all of them, but I’ll highlight three of them:

LIE #1 – “I’m doing great!”

The first lie pastors tell is when people ask how we are doing. In all my years of meeting and greeting pastors and asking how they are doing, never once have I heard any of them answer back with anything other than, “I’m doing fine, praise the Lord” (or some form of that response).

The truth though is that pastors are not always doing fine. There are many services where your pastor is ministering from a real place of weakness but is putting up a strong face so people don’t see the problem. The point here is not that a pastor needs to share publicly with everyone what they’re struggling with, but pastors need to have one or two people they can confide in and share what is going on. 

LIE #2 – “We had so-so hundreds or thousands of people at so-so event”

This one is called pastor-mathematics, and it is when we exaggerate the number of people who participated in an event we hosted to boost our image and effectiveness.

The truth often times is that we may not know the exact number of people who showed up, but we usually round it up to the nearest two hundred or in some cases, a thousand. So, from the stage where we are ministering, we may see a large crowd that numbers around 275, but just round it up to 675 people attended our event.

LIE #3 – “I will be praying for you”

Sometimes, when pastors don’t know what to say or how to respond to a need someone has brought to them, this is the most common response they will give. It may be that the pastor is just too tired or distracted in that moment and may very well intend to pray for the person later, but when we fail to pray, our promise becomes a lie.

DEAR PASTOR, WHAT LIES DO YOU HAVE A TENDENCY TO TELL OTHERS OR TO YOURSELF? Because in ministry, we don’t tell explicit lies, we simply get creative with the truth, which is ironic because creative truth-telling is a LIE no matter how you spin it.

So let’s discuss those little white (innocent) lies that we may have told ourselves are okay to tell because creative truth-telling has been around for a long time, all the way back to creation in Genesis. It was present IN Satan IN the beginning when he lied to Adam and Eve, convincing them that God was withholding freedom from them by not letting them eat from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and evil.

We’re still experiencing the ripple effects of that one lie in the Garden. It’s why Jesus says of Satan in John 8:44, “When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.”;and I think we can all agree that Satan is NOT the role model you want to set your pattern of speech after, whether it’s a blatant lie, a white lie, an exaggeration of the truth, or ambiguous recommendation.

To be clear, God has very strong feelings about lying. In Proverbs 6:16-19, it says, “There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him:” …and twice on that list, it mentions, a lying tongue. In Proverbs 12:22, it says, “The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in people who are trustworthy.” From those scriptures, here’s the big idea that will shape our discussion today:

HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY. PERIOD.

Let’s not try and find wiggle room around the truth but embrace the fact that HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY. PERIOD. We’re going to demonstrate this by exploring 3 areas of our lives that are impacted by how truthful/untruthful we are.

We’ll discuss:

• How Lying impacts YOUR BODY

• How Lying impacts YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH OTHERS, and

• How Lying impacts YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD

1. LYING IMPACTS YOUR BODY

In Psalm 32:3, speaking about his hidden sin that he hadn’t confessed, David says, “When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long.”

God has designed our bodies in such a way that it physically reacts to the thoughts and the words we choose to speak. Our choice of words EITHER ADD TO OR TAKE AWAY FROM our health.

Research has actually shown this to be true.

Dr. Arthur Markman, executive editor of the journal, “Cognitive Science,” explains that the very second a lie is spoken, the stress of creating a false story causes your anxiety level to rise, and your brain immediately goes into a state of heightened alert. In fact, lie detectors are tests are based off this knowledge.

Brain imaging actually shows that the limbic system of the brain (the part of the brain that deals with emotions and memories) lights up like a fireworks display when someone lies.

When I first read this, I laughed because I didn’t need science to prove it. I recalled a season in my life when I told a lie and my memory suddenly kicked into overdrive because all of a sudden, I had to keep my story straight by remembering both the lie and the truth.

And that’s what the research by Dr. Markman was explaining that when you lie, your brain recognizes that your lie has put you in danger, and you start to feel worried about being caught lying, so you probably need to make up more lies to hold up that ONE lie.

This increased workload on your brain clouds your ability to make smart decisions; then your nervous system responds, releasing cortisol which is your body’s main stress hormone. Basically, when you lie, your brain is suffering. It actually affects your health. 

Now contrast that experience to what the Bible says about speaking honestly. Proverbs 10:11 says, “The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but the mouth of the wicked conceals violence.”

So, not only does truth-telling enrich your own soul AND MINISTRY, but it is like a fountain that blesses others; which reiterates our big idea that HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY. PERIOD… and leads to the next point about the second area that is impacted when we are NOT honest. 

2. LYING AFFECTS YOUR RELATIONSHIP & CREDIBILITY WITH OTHER PEOPLE

You and I were built by God to live in community. Even in creation at the beginning; God said everything He created was good! It was perfect and beautiful. The only time that God said something wasn’t good was when He took note in Genesis 2:18 that “It is not good for man to be alone.”, and so God created Eve as a companion for him to do life with.

We are social beings created in the image of God, who Himself lives in community as God the Father, God the Son (Jesus Christ), and God the Holy Spirit.

Even the most introverted person who gets energized in isolation, and for whom the social distancing and self-quarantine of this last year may have been a gift from heaven; even that person will at some point give anything to be around people, EVEN if to just have some small talk…

We’re built to do life together… however, that only works best when we choose to live in love and honesty with one another; otherwise, Proverbs 16:28 (NLT) says, “A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.”

One form in which this dishonestly plays out, especially in ministry is through FLATTERY, which is defined as “excessive and insincere praise, given especially to further one's own interests.”

• So, in order to gain favor or to appear admirable to others, we may tell someone they’re doing a great job when they’re really being mediocre

• Or we congratulate someone on something and tell them we’ll be praying for them when we’re neither happy for them or praying for them.

Let’s go back to what we started with, how many times have you told someone that they’re in your thoughts and prayers, but that person’s mostly remain in your thoughts, and never graduate to your prayers for them! That’s not being honest!

By the way, just a little tip, if someone ever asks you to pray for them or you say you’re going to pray for them, do it right there and then so that way, if you don’t do it later, at least you can honestly say you DID pray for them.

Honesty builds trustworthiness and credibility in community, and it has a more positive effect on your relationships. Proverbs 24:26 (NIV) says, “An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.” I would add to that, “…it’s like a kiss on the lips with someone you’re deeply in love with.”

Now the other important piece of this is that, when you are truthful, some people may not like it or like you very much because of your honesty, and then some people will love you for it, especially if it’s truth that is spoken in love as scripture instructs us to in Ephesians 4:15.

Truth spoken in love means that when you need to be truthful with someone about a hard issue, you do it in such a way that brings the matter to light as clearly as possible, but also in a way that encourages them in godliness. So you don’t attack or tear down with truth… you expose but build up!

HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY. PERIOD… because it impacts our physical body, our relationships with others, and ultimately, our relationship with God. 

3. YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD

1 Peter 3:10-12 says, “Whoever would love life and see good days must keep their tongue from evil and their lips from deceitful speech. They must turn from evil and do good; they must seek peace and pursue it. 12 For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”

While it is Biblically true that nothing can ever separate from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus, it is also true that nothing will stifle your love for God and communication with God faster than a dishonest mouth. 

When you lie in your relationship with others, it clouds your conscience before God, which makes it hard to pour your heart out to Him. Psalm 139:4 says, “Before a word is on my tongue you, LORD, know it completely.” It’s impossible to hide a lie from God; and remember, His ears are attentive to the prayers of the righteous… those who are walking in truth. 

So, if you’ve found that your love for God has grown cold, or your relationship with God lacks the spiritual vibrancy it once had, perhaps examine your life to see if there’s a lie that you have been living or telling.

Then this next part is important, CONFESS YOUR SIN TO GOD, first; and if your sin is against someone, CONFESS YOUR SIN TO THE PERSON YOU LIED ABOUT. I think we often do the first one but ignore the other.

Yes, 1 John 1:9-10 says, “If we confess our sins, [God] is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” But James 5:16 also says, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.”

Our choice to be honest in our horizontal relationships with one another has a profound spiritual impact on our vertical relationship with the Father in heaven! James says that in confessing our sins to one another and PRAYING for one another, we’ll actually experience healing of sorts!

This is how you return to your first love if you’ve felt far away from God.

So, as you engage in conversations this week, ask God to give you awareness to know when you may be slipping into dishonesty. Make it a CHOICE in each conversation and each interaction to be honest.

As you do, remember that God is truth and we were made in His image, and He delights in you when you choose to be trustworthy, and for this reason, HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY. PERIOD!